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The dreaded 'friendzone'

eiashian
So this is not easy to chat about but... Just wondering how many others suffer from this dreaded syndrome? lol Honestly this always happens to me. Anytime I fall for someone, I'm the great friend who gives advice about their current crush -.-. It's not as if I've never told my crushes that I like them, but it's pointless if they're gushing over someone else. So who's stuck in this same kind of situation, or maybe was and overcame this...If so, how? ;_;
xueli
Dec 04, 13 at 11:32pm
I think the thing about friend zone is that it's between a person who didn't make it clear that they like the other person and the other person just doesn't like that person in that way. I think the only real way to get out of it is to just "put your cleats in the ground" , as my soccer loving professor likes to say, about that you like them in that way and want to go on a date. Not hangout, not as friends, but date-date. Granted that'll get you turned down more, but you know wither or not their open to that idea and then you can move on before you get too emotionally invested in that romantic idea. I would not recommend doing the "nice guy" thing and stick around hoping they'll change their minds. When someone's made of their mind not to be in a relationship with you, it's very hard to change that impression. @Eiashian, Yeah if they already like someone else, that is hard. If they're not responding to the idea of a relationship with you then unfortunately I think that's it, they're not looking for anyone else. Which is actually a indication of them if they're not actually going out/have asked out the other person because it looks like oneitis. Which is no good :/
highixiwind
You guys already kinda already nailed it. All I can add is sympathy and my own relation of chasing what has no future.
ffftitans
Yep, establish and/or hint early on that you're relationship material, not friend material. Don't flutter around, escalate. Escalate. Escalate. It's when it gets stagnant, that you turn into friends. And at that point, I'd say it's game over and time to move on. Going the "friends first" route is an exponential waste of time when you discover he/she's just not into you after being friends for so long (not to mention the subsequent pain afterwards). I feel extremely sorry for anyone who uses this method. Go out there and make it clear and don't be afraid. Better to be rejected now than after 6 months invested later. Ask them out asap. Rejected? NEXT. Move on to the next possible date. Life is short. The more people you sample, the better the pick you can make for the long run.
the_geeky_panda
I don't care about it at this point. If I'm in it, I'm in it. If I am not it doesn't matter. I always value a good friendship that I can share my life with or someone I can share it more passionately in a relationship. Its can be annoying to put in but make the most of it.
prismmiracle
All. The. Time. For me now, I'm just going to wait for someone to like me first instead of liking them first. >___< So I get hurt less now this way.
borsty24
Personally I've never actually been through the whole friend zone predicament (none I actually recall), but establishing honesty is definitely the key. I have never kept anything from a friend, and never would. Being honest up front is not only helping your relationship with that person, it also sets boundaries. Such boundaries as, I'm not into you like that, or, I feel the same way! The second was not necessarily a boundary, but I think you all understand what I'm saying :) It'll personally hurt more keeping something like that longer than just spurting it out when you know what you're feeling. If a friend told me how they felt and I didn't feel the same way, I'd tell them; it wouldn't hurt my friendship with them either, I'd actually be more up and coming with them sincerely.
themoonkitty7
Friend zoned more times than I care to count!! TT____TT It's like... What's the point of being a unicorn... if everyone just wants to be your friend ... le sigh...
kichigai913
The friend zone is a blessing in disguise. You just don't know how to use it to your advantage. If you want to, that is. I personally don't really have that issue.
jorian
Dec 23, 13 at 6:08pm
I think even if they're gushing over someone else, you still need to be up front and honest. If you just expect them to understand how you feel by beating around the bush or being "sly" or "too shy," then they might not pick up on it. I'm in theatre a lot, and we like to say audiences are dumb. This is because audiences can't track more than one thing at once, and a relationship is like that as well. Not everyone will get something you're saying subtly or on the side. I think Xueli hit it on the mark really. Besides if you don't, you'll always wonder "what if"
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