Vent

@thesailingteacup no I'm not doing that. I appreciate the advice and love, but my mom is not a bad person. She just gets super stressed and ill because of actual bad family members taking advantage of her.

@thesailingteacup I do have your contacts and I promise I will come to you if I need to talk. I already have something in mind but I will do it when my mom has her own income. Planning on moving out of state and constantly keep in touch with her and visit every now and then.

Old people (looking at me): "He's a genius!" People my age (looking at me): "His moves make no sense and make him look stupid!" Old people (looking at people my age): "How would you feel if that was your son? Or your daughter? How would you feel if that was you?" People my age (looking at old people): "I don't even care! He's actually a retard!" Old people (looking at people my age): "He's a person! The same as you and I! With feelings!" People my age (looking at old people): "Yeah but they have places for retarded people!" Old people (looking at people my age): "And they should have places for people like you, that are rude, insensitive and cruel! And if it's time for you to meet your maker, I hope he remembers how you were! I'm a school teacher! Everybody deserves an education! Everybody deserves a job! And everybody deserves a chance in this life and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

My disabilities love to remind me that they are there at the shittiest times. Like at 4am last night my back started hurting out of no where, woke me up and wouldn't calm down for anything. Luckily I have a few good pain meds left for these things but I hate using them up. It reminds about when I got my spinal fusion surgery back when I was 16 and they out right said I'll probably still have pain for the rest of my life.

@cac Fun, Cac. Chronic back pain is bad enough. Mine stems from working three years in a warehouse lifting things over my head over and over again. Thankfully it's not debilitating most days. But as I had to help my brother get around the house, I understand how frustrating it is for someone to look at something they used to be able to do with ease, and will have to deal with for the rest of their life. That's never something I could just hand wave away with a "Hang in there!" no matter how much I wish I could. @meisterman1985 I think that's consistent with me in school with ADHD too. I've had so many people swear up and down that my brother and I were retarded. Though the old people in our case were always telling us how much of a genius we were, and praying that we applied ourselves to our school work to get better grades. Meanwhile not medicating us. I was actually a D average student. Children are basically little sociopaths who are incapable of empathy until about the age of 14. And yes, that is a generalization that falls flat on it's own ass when you actually try to look at it, since children who have had abusive backgrounds tend to pick it up easier and sooner in life, and of course varies on an individual basis depending on when puberty kicks in and intellectual growth in those formative years. Compassion is a social skill that takes time to learn. And of course most of the shitty people in the world never had to learn it, or have been confronted with so much bullshit that they simply don't believe it exists.

@cac My back started aching when I reached my 30s and continued sleeping on a bed until I changed to a real Japanese futon placed on a tatami mat. In addition, I took hot epsom salt baths and consume protein and turmeric products while exercising slowly to build my body and reduce pain. @chocopyro I'm one of the many individuals with ASD (some might also have ADD/ADHD, which in fact my brother had ADD), who grew up in a screwed up school system, got bullied (even when my toxic father and stepmother fuss at me for), considered stupid, irresponsible, immature and different enough to be a neurodivergent that gets left out of groups too much no matter how damn hard I work. I was forced (or "insisted" if my parents want me to use instead) to hangout with old and disabled people due to many groups of people my age packed with toxic gatekeepers who label me as an "elitist bastard" while older people consider them "devilish". Elderly treat me like Cabbage Patch Kids dolls on swing sets while saying "He's so quiet!" while people my age either ignore me or treat me like if they were torching an Elmo toy. Sometimes old people just waste our times cheering for me or spend time fussing at me while insisting painfully unnatural eye contact while asking things like, "You understand that?" I'm also an INFJ-T. A weird and mysterious personality type that many individuals with that have mental issues or differences with, but is rare and full of loyalty and religious spirit. But most people look at the MBTI as not-so useful like Zodiacs and prefer to focus on my ASD more. Because of all of this, I wish to move to Japan and work to death there. In GA and TN State, I'm annoyed by old farts, boring and shallow women, rednecks, etc., etc., etc.

INFP-A here, so I'm sure there's a lot of crossover in how we perceive the world. I'm not sure if living in Japan and working till you shrivel up and pass on will be any better for you. But I trust that you've done your research on what it's like to try to live and work in Japan. So I don't think there's much more I can tell you about that.

@chocopyro Most of my friends are INFP and INFJ. I have been studying Japanese constantly even very slowly while fearing my family seeing me get married and have children. So I would like to become a workaholic and make new friends due to feeling like an alien in my current area. I really dislike being around ignorant neurotypicals.