Mommy’s Random Thoughts

(8:16 PM Fri. Feb 17th) My family’s five-year-old friend came by today. She used me as a jungle gym, gave me plenty of hugs and kisses (all of which I returned happily ^-^), screamed at my baby brother when he bothered her too much, jumped on me, pouted when my baby brother wanted to sit on my lap instead, returned to smiling when he got up because of her pouting, she and my baby brother also fought over my lap. Said five-year-old head butting my baby brother when he pretended to eat me at one point, then she asked me for candy canes so she ate one and a half of another, then she ate two pickles she asked me for. I think it was a productive day! XD Oh! And our little friend wanted to play house at some point so I was the mom and she made my baby brother the dad... she ended up killing her “dad” off so it was just me and her. And when I tried to ask her why the dad needed to die she said: “He needs to”. So, that was kind of evil of her—but we had fun! XD

(12:24 AM Sun. Feb 19th) Hmm? I’m taking a random test (forgot its name already) and this is the character I got. While I do try and hide certain (most) of my bad feelings so I don’t concern (bother) others, I definitely have NOT ever thought of death as an option. But should I be concerned at this quizzes response? XD

(3:30 AM Mon. Feb 20th) I had a conversation with my twin yesterday when our eldest sister took me and two other siblings of mine for an ice cream treat. But before that our eldest sister had to go to Old Navy for new work pants (which was enjoyable because we love the way her body looks! But we don’t say that out loud XD), and we got on body types/shapes. How our eldest sister has an hourglass figure, how my twin is pretty even on top and bottom (thick on top and on bottom) and then my twin answered my body shape when I said I didn’t know. I am apparently pear shaped lol, she confidently pointed out how I have noticeably wider hips compared to my upper body. I didn’t pay attention to it when she said it at the time and just laughed it off, but later I realized why she knows my body shape so well. So I decided to ask if she just stares at me when I’m standing to wash dishes or otherwise, and she confidently answered yes XD and how she thought about it a lot. And since she is an artist she drew out the shape on paper and was like “yup! That’s definitely Rose’s body!” Just thought of that for some reason and decided to type it out I guess? Lol

(12:54 AM Thu. Feb 23rd) I had a blend of horror dreams tonight. But the one I remembered when waking up is the one where my twin was possessed by Pennywise, and for some reason she wasn’t horribly viscous with me or my baby brother... but she was just acting creepy. I don’t know where the rest of my family was in the dream, but I guess Pennywise decided he wanted my twin to keep an eye on my baby brother and I, so, our sister slept in the same room a us every night to make sure we didn’t escape. In the dream there was a point (before she was possessed) where she told me she loved me so much she’d do anything for me, and I brought up those same words when she sat a coin on the couch in the living room. That was done because Pennywise is using my twin to murder people and the coin was gonna be used to attract someone in our house to grab it and I guess he’d appear randomly when someone grabs it? I of course started crying when she explained it and brought up those words she said to me and she had a moment of clarity while looking at me before her eyes rolled into her head and she said she didn’t care. I was especially worried because irl my baby brother loves money... a bit too much lol and I guess my dream used that as a fear factor. So, I lied down next to my baby brother and whisper-begged him never to grab the money (or any more money for that matter) because I wasn’t sure which money would be rigged. After I finished whispering my sister rolls over in her bed and crawls over towards us in a creepy way while her eyes are rolling back and forth between her eyelids and to where we can see them (I hid my baby brother from that sight). She then accuses us of making plans against her and Pennywise and says she’ll sleep in the same bed as us so she can watch us, and then I think I looked at her face while internally begging she was back to normal or something? I don’t remember much after that and then that’s when I woke up. I hate it when I have dreams that are actually horrifying or scary to me because I always have my consciousness in the dream it feels like, but I can never manage to wake up or control the dream.

(5:37 PM Thu. Feb 23rd) I haven’t been sleeping well lately... I mean it’s not like I ever go to bed on time anyway, but I feel like every time I try to sleep I have a nightmare or some bad dream. And it doesn’t help I’ve been feeling weird ever since the one night I was trying to sleep and it felt like something pierced my heart (not in a get to the hospital way)... and I jumped awake frightened and my eyes were blurry (maybe in a get to the hospital way? Lol). But I haven’t been sleeping well, and I haven’t been feeding myself like I should... I know I need to eat now since I haven’t eaten all day, but I don’t have the energy to do anything. I also feel like I wanna scream (I’ve been feeling that way lately) but I feel like I can’t scream properly either XD, I think I just wanna scream just to scream but I can’t. Long story short, give me hugs and chocolate, thank you! No, I’m jk!

I hope you managed to eat something. You need to eat so many grams of protein a day so your muscles don't atrophy. I hope you feel better soon.

@verucassault Thank you, Ruca-senpai. My mom and eldest sister brought home salad and chicken, so I ate that for dinner (if I didn’t I’d have them hounding me anyway XD). But I only had one meal today... I usually only eat twice a day though, but I’ve been snacking on peanuts lately for a snack.