Heaven's Crossing (Working Title)

Good work. The manga influence is evident. But if I may suggest adding some more detail since we don't have pictures to follow. That would also help you lengthen the story.

Hina the younger of the two sisters had bright blonde hair and bright blue eyes her Hõseki shãdo was pink and her Tamashï no daiyamondo were yellow, while her older sister Siam had dirty blonde hair and sea green eyes her Hõseki shãdo was dark blue and her Tamashï no daiyamondo were sea green, their markings were hollowed out showing their status as bound servants, they wore maid outfits in their favorite colors. “We were on your way to pick up mistress Lina from the academy.” Siam said. “Are you on your way to do the errand for Maru?” “Yeah, hey did you guys know Trinla likes someone?” Salie asked, Hina got really quiet and distant. “Did you really just ask that?” Siam questioned slightly annoyed. “What? What do you mean?” Salie asked oblivious of the situation. “Sister leave him be.” Hina said then assured Salie, “No, we did not.” “Hmm… ok.” he replied, “Well I have to go see you two around sometime.” as he exited through the village gate and walked over the northern bridge.

All right that is what i have of my prologue (so far) and my first chapter. Constructive criticism please if you like it and would like me to continue posting updates please let me know. If you like plz friend me.

i actually do have pictures that go with... at least character pics... since i've got good feedback so far next time i am on i will do an update

i actually do have pictures that go with... at least character pics... since i've got good feedback so far next time i am on i will do an update

Chapter 2: “Hmm Kitsuno isn’t here.” Salie thought not having seen his best friend anywhere on the bridge where he was assigned guardian. Oh well Salie had enough distractions as is. The bridge hung over a fast running wide mouthed river, that ran along the north border of the village. He crossed the bridge to the clearing on the other side, he often used this place for training and sparring. Salie continued through to the forest, it was filled with large maples, ash, and cherry blossom trees, he followed the forest path towards the Ebony mountains, until he came to a lone cabin the only indication of civilization other than the village for miles around. Salie knocked on the heavy oaken door, a male kitsune opened the door, “Shadilos who is it?” a female voice called from further in the house. “It’s the messenger the local lord sent, a young Yuki who has the information the lord promised us it seems.” the white haired called back to the voice, he had an archaic red tattoo under his left eye, “Invite him in, I’ll be there in a minute.” the voice replied. A few moments later, a young Yuki woman entered the room, she had long auburn hair and emerald green eyes, her Hõseki shãdo and Tamashï no daiyamondo were a different than Salie’s or even Hina and Siam’s he’d never seen a pattern like that before her Hõseki shãdo was replaced with a teal diamond with silver dots on either side, and her Tamashï no daiyamondo were replace with a teal tomoe with a silver dot on the inside, she wore a silver and teal outfit, “Oh hello, you must be surprised by these.” she said pointing to her face markings

“It’s rude to stare.” Shadilos said “Its ok. I‘m used to it. These markings are my sign as an exile. I am banished from my homeland.” she explained. “Oh I’m sorry.” Salie said, “That must be hard for you.” “Its ok I will get to go back one day hopefully that’s why I am here, I heard Lord Maru could find out things and I am looking for someone.” the woman said. “I take these might help?” Salie said handing her the package, “Thanks.” she said taking it from him and opening the scroll. “Nothing… No records of him.” the girl said disappointed, “You know you kind of remind me of who I am looking for. He would be about your age, have your hair and eye color, and your markings… wait what did you say your name was?” the girl asked. “I didn’t, miss. My name is Salie.” Salie answered. The girl dropped the scroll and her eyes welled up with tears, “Sly?” she questioned. “Who?” Salie replied. “You… You’re my brother!” she said wrapping her arms around his head then pulled his head into her breasts. “What?!” Salie said obviously surprised, “You’re my sister? How?” “My name is Kaylee Kintaro, my brother went missing ten years ago, I’ve been looking for him for years, because he is the only one who can bring us home.” Kaylee explained. “How is that?” Salie asked.

“Because Salie you and are from the Yuki royal family, you are Salie Kintaro, and you are the crown prince of the Yuki empire.” Kaylee explained further. “Whoa… whoa… whoa! I’m what now?” Salie said unbelieving. “You don’t remember?” Kaylee questioned. “I was found at the age of nine by Lord Maru, I couldn’t remember anything before then.” Salie explained. “Well the last time I saw you, was when you were five years old. Mother sent you away with our uncle Lee to protect you from our other uncle Fen Long.” Kaylee said. “Fen Long, the emperor of the Yukis’ Empire?” Salie questioned. “He is not the rightful emperor our father was… Fen Long killed him and made it look like an accident he sought to get rid of you too but our uncle hid you and you must have disappeared after.” Kaylee stated. “Assuming I believe you, why did I disappear and why couldn’t I remember anything?” Salie asked. “I don’t know I talked to uncle Lee when I was first exiled but he said you just wandered off one day to the west.” Kaylee explained. “And I ended up here.” Salie said.

“Yes but now that I found you we can go home and take back our home.” Kaylee said hopefully. “That’s not a good idea Kaylee. Think what Fen Long did to your father what will he do now to protect the power he now has?” Shadilos pointed out. “Its better if we stay here and not let Fen Long know of Salie’s existence, one day a chance will come for you to take back your home. But right now neither of you are ready to face him or the empire.” “This is a lot to take in can I have a little time Kayl… I mean sister?” Salie asked, he was suddenly assaulted by breasts to his face as Kaylee embraced her brother tight to her chest. “Its been so long since you called me that!” Kaylee gushed. “Mistress Kaylee! Please control yourself.” Shadilos pleaded. “H-Help?” Salie pleaded to the Kitsune, with outstretched hand, who grabbed his hand and pulled him away from Kaylee. Salie gasped for air as soon as he became loose, “That was uncomfortable.” Salie replied. “Give him back Shade!” Kaylee whined. “Kaylee he asked you for time to process this are you going to let him or not?” Shadilos questioned his Mistress. “Right, yes Sly you can have some time… I will come visit you in the village later. Ok?” Kaylee said. “Alright I will try to have an answer by then.” Salie said as he quickly exited the house.