I can never find the right words to tell people what I’m thinking. Telling them I’m tired doesn’t work, but I can’t seem to vocalize that I’m mentally exhausted and sick of existing. Telling them I’m sad doesn’t work either, but I can’t explain that I’m struggling not to kill myself and that the joy in everything in my life is gone and when I wake up to the sun in my eyes, I have to struggle to get myself out of bed because most of me didn’t even want to wake up at all. I can’t tell them I’m numb because what I’m feeling is so much more complex than numb and I don’t have the vocabulary to tell them that I feel like I’m drowning and it terrifies me that I feel nothing as it’s happening, and that my insides want to scream but I can’t even find it in me to shed a tear anymore, that every single aspect of my life feels like it’s shaded in grey because all the colors were sucked out but I can hardly even remember what colors are because I can no longer remember a time I didn’t feel like this. No, I don’t know how to say that. So I just whisper “I’m fine.”
You put well into words what you are feeling. It's kinda disheartening how descriptive a person dealing with depression can tell you how they are feeling and yet it doesn't seem like there are words or vocabulary that is precise enought to encapsulate what it's like to have depression.
Further more, the fact that people with depression tend to feel so similarly that it is still something that our species struggles with. We should be further along than this. I have felt this way on and off as long as I can remember. Even as a child I felt desolate inside at times. I first had to see a therapist when I was 9 or 10 years old because I intentionally over dosed on some daily medication I had. That's 30 years ago and still, all the medical community says is here, take these pills. Have you tried meditation?
Meditating doesn't make you come alive inside.
Pills are not a cure.
I've been reading this a lot lately. I want to know what others feel when they are at their lowest, to see if there are any commonalities.
Depression Never changes. Different struggles- same „feelings“
Yup, it sucks. Depression is never fun
I had a weird, empty feeling inside me. Not a bad sort of empty. It was a sort of lack of sensation, like being in pain for a long time and then suddenly realizing that you're not anymore.
When people don't express themselves, they die one piece at a time. You'd be shocked at how many adults are really dead inside ~walking through their days with no idea who they are.
Documentation Of Barky's Emotional State