lowwinrateape

Whoa dang bro. You must've been easily triggered back in the day. I'm glad you have gotten a bit better. I personally would have the same disposition as long as what I did wasn't something that was wrong. As long as you have a clear conscience, then I feel you have every right to do w/e you want. If you can't believe in what you're doing, then there isn't a point to it. Huh, well have you ever tried to challenge yourself? Like doing some kind of 48 hour marathon or epic triathlon that spanned a week? It feels to me like you'd probably enjoy such an environment and excel in it. I've always thought participating in those kinds of things would be interesting and there's a lot you can learn about yourself if you just keep challenging your limits, mentally and physically. Ah, that's interesting about the rent stuff. I'll have to look into it if I ever decide to do some traveling. I could see you owning like a night club or bar and having your own place downtown. Music is definitely amazing. It can affect people in so many ways and create worlds. I mainly like how it can affect your mood, pumping you up for the gym or calming your soul when you're anxious. What would we humans be w/out it! It's easier for me to appreciate music than art on a canvas or some kind of sculpture.

That reminds me a bit of my dad. He has a shit ton of pride and he won't cave even if his kids are dying right in front of him. Literally, this has happened before and my dad never gave a care. He's just like, go die in another city, you'll stink up this city w/ your death. Probably why he's the least liked person in the whole family. He's too arrogant and prideful, caring mainly about himself. As for that kind of "fun", I guess that isn't exactly my idea of fun, but I don't really mind as long as no one is hurt. I'd rather see sights and enjoy moments that are spectacular and can be one of a kind moments. Kind of like the first I climbed the bluff near my house and saw the sun rise. It was epic, and I'll never forget that for the rest of my life. I don't really know too much about renting, but I would assume it's quite difficult to find places with short term rents. Plus if you move so much, you might not want to own a whole lot of things to make moving easier o.O. I would really like to get a house mainly b/c I want to get some dogs and own some land. I feel apartment living deprives dogs of having more freedom in their life and owning my own house is a good investment, usually unless I don't plan well and can't make the payments. This is why I probably won't buy a house until I am financially secure and comfortable enough to make the purchase. I hate debt and never really want to be in it, but I realize that debt kind of makes the world go round, so having a small amount of debt is better than none. I mean, it's difficult to get a car loan without some history of debt, like credit cards and the like. I listen to pretty much anything except maybe screamo. I don't really prefer any type of music over the other unless it pertains to what I'm doing. For instance, for studying I tend to listen to classical and spanish guitar. When I work out, I'll listen to movie OSTs, rock, or punk rock. I don't appreciate the "arts" as much as I should, maybe one day when my life slows down I'll be able to do that. I'll have to take a listen to that album.

Ah, if I had the energy and strength, I think I wouldn't mind doing that as well, but I think eventually, I might feel like what i was doing is just too dull. Monotony and a schedule is good, but too much so can result in slower brain processes and a dull personality. I guess that's why I'm always kind of looking for something stimulating, but not too often, since I'm not used to it and doing anything too stimulating would drain my energy too quick. I'm glad you can follow what your sister says and live a strong life. I personally have never run into any sort of racist people or the like, but I imagine I will one day and I will usually just turn the other cheek unless they harm someone dear to me like my sisters or friends. I'm generally a pacifist, but in the past I've been able to toss guys around like they were nothing. But, I've never been in an actual fight, so I hope that the adrenaline and anger wouldn't make me lose my calm or rational. That sounds like an interesting story. I was thinking more that you'd be living in an RV or truck or the like lol. I don't know if I could live in an RV or the like, but I could most likely get used to it. I just don't know how people deal with the whole disposal of wastes thing. What kind of adventures do you like to go on, just like on outdoor adventures, or do you ever explore the urban setting? I can totally get impressing your future love. I think that's one of the driving forces for me to get back into shape, that and I want to be around to see my family, nephews an nieces get old as well. I have so much more I want to do w/ them, that I need to be healthy to be able to do what I plan w/ them. I think it'd be cool to like climb Everest someday or run an iron man challenge. I don't know if gaming is the best way to meet people. I think there are probably online websites or maybe if I made a youtube account or something to try and connect w/ people. Kind of sucks that I'm not a very social person though.

I googled that and seems like an interesting read, if you're into war and recent history. That's kind of what I was like as a kid as well. I was always locked up in the house b/c of my Asian parents, so whenever I finished all my homework and didn't have anything to do, I'd read, just to escape the monotony of life. Which is probably why I enjoy reading fantasy books and sci fi once in a while. Since my body couldn't escape, at least my mind could. I've always thought it would be great if I could see into a person's mind while they were reading a book as well, b/c I think I'd be able to see a movie, but from that person's perspective and what they imagined the book to be like. Those two sound like they were some great people. I'm sorry you lost them pal. Usually I try to think in a positive note about people. I assume the world is the way you want to think of it as... at least locally. On a greater scale, I don't think you can control that stuff... Buuut you do run into the occasional idiot if you look hard enough or... if luck isn't looking your way. The other day, I read a post on my FB feed about a friend of mine, whose sister-in-law got harassed by some white guys at a bar for being Asian and how they were gonna gangbang her and stuff. It was made worse b/c that guy had his son w/ him ... smh ~_~... Ended up in a physical fight and my friend and his in-law just left b/c they know the cops won't care about the racist remarks and what not. For cigars, that's what I always assume you do w/ them, but I don't smoke them, so I never knew for sure. Man, I'm quite surprised you actually did live the nomadic life once. I'm kind of curious how it was for you o.O? It's nice to hear you have confidence in yourself. I think a girl would be quite attracted to your other side, the shy fellow in front of cute girls, if they ever got past your manly exterior lol. I plan to just rent an apartment until I find the right house one day regardless of whether I find the one or not. I want a house w/ a lot of land, so I can do w/e I want on it. Plus it's so I can let my dogs have more room to run free. My parents also like hunting and farming, so as the eldest son, they'll probably settle down w/ me and I'd like to give them the opportunity to do what they like in their retirement. Oh also gotta have some water nearby for fishing too, like a stream, river or lake lol There are definitely older guys in fantastic shape, just that there aren't that many of them. It's the lifestyle. I think it's hard for some people to live that kind of healthy lifestyle. Usually as people get older, they tend to give in to the comforts of the body and mind b/c what's the point in challenging yourself to keep up a healthy body when you're gonna be dead in a few more years anyhow? I personally think it's unrealistic for me to hope to keep my strength up and be healthy as I get older, but who knows what will happen. The mentality is the hardest part, not the physical stuff >.>... You ever wish you had connections all over the world, so wherever you are, you could always just hit up some ppl to go hang or what not? That's something I wish I could do someday.

What kind of reading do you like to do? I tend to read more fiction than not. Now that I'm older, I feel like I should read more non-fiction and self-improvement books or things that will help a person find themselves or open their world up to more knowledge. Cigars seem really interesting, but I've only known a guy who smoked only the flavored ones for the taste. I think I probably wouldn't mind smoking some weed or vape, something that will let me relax, but I don't really want to destroy my lungs. I'd like to visit Yosemite and other national treasures some day as well. Too bad the states is so big though lol. Working out helps me focus my mind and drive. I do feel a bit more energetic now. These last few days of being social online has drained quite a bit of my energy. I might just do more exercise and limit my time on here lol. Have you ever thought about sailing before or living the life of a nomad? I've considered it before, but I'd need to do lots of planning and trying to figure out a way to be self-sufficient on the road, i.e. make money on the road or sea somehow lol. I'm surprised you haven't seen those o.o. I would recommend them if you ever have a slow day. Just up and going will always sounds like something awesome, but sometimes you are limited in what you can do due to money, time or other things. I'm lucky, I at least have a healthy body. I'd like to do as much as I can before my health and age catches up w/ me and then I can only regret and dream of what could have been. Although I think you shouldn't be limited, sometimes it's harder than you think.

Well I hope some day that I can think better of cops, since they're suppose to be our protectors. Do you do any drinking besides smoking your cigar? I've always wanted to become a connoisseur of alcoholic beverages, especially of liquids like whiskey and wine. I enjoy the burning sensation and the warm it brings on cold days. It also just kind of relaxes my body. speaking of this, I kind of want to just sink into a comfy lazy boy and sip on some Brandy or the like. Of course, some of the tastes can be disgusting. Well I think starting tomorrow I'll start going back to the gym to get my mind off things and try to become more energetic. I feel it'll help me become motivated to finish my last quarter in college on a high note. I want to meet my parent's expectations and become the son they can rely on. In my culture, as the oldest son, I have to take care of my parents as they get older, of course here in the States, that might not happen until they retire or get much older. I'm not looking forward to all the cramps and sore muscles. I have a bad back as well, so I'll have to work on my core quite a bit. I might get a yoga set and try to do that as well in my apartment besides hitting the gym. You seem so stoic bro, kind of like a real life terminator lol. I don't know if it's a good thing or not. Most likely it doesn't matter as long as you're okay w/ it and it doesn't bother people. Hmm, talking w/ you has kind of reminded me of the film "Forrest Gump" and "The Life of Mitty", have you seen either of those films? I would guess you've seen "Forrest Gump", but not sure about "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty". I feel like one day I might just up and go on an adventure and get lost in some country somewhere out there, really living life and making a difference. Enjoying things everyday. You know of any films that give you the feels like that? I kind of want to watch something like that right now. The nostalgia is in full force lol.

Lol that's kind of funny, but I feel like those kinds of situations are what you are expected to get into w/ muscle or sporty looking cars. Speaking of racing on the streets, I've always kind of like cops, until I got my first ticket. I would've been happier if they just gave me a warning instead of straight off a ticket. My dread of cops just grew when I eavesdropped on some of my classmates who were proudly joking in class how they can race on certain highway sections b/c they have relatives on the force, so they don't need to follow the rules when driving. Once I heard of this, I started youtubing and researching into the corrupt world of cops and now I don't really have too much faith in the police. This might be due to the previous bad press the cops have been getting though, killing innocents and targeting the black community. But yea, I do realize the media can be highly biased, but with this amount of evidence, some of it has got to be true. Sorry man, I just got all irritated thinking about corrupt cops and how many ppl were blackmailed or killed by them.. smh ~_~... Well I'm Hmong and my parents are from Thailand, used to be Vietnam and before that I think Combodia. They kept escaping to different countries to run away from the Vietnam war. I'm not sure what happened to my mom's family, but her parents died, so I don't have any grandparents from her side of the family except for some step-grandparents, who passed away as well. My dad's dad died chopping down a tree and got bombed and my dad's mom passed away when I was in middle school. So I've always wished I had that elder guidance b/c my dad always works 3rd shift so I don't know him well. I figure, if I ever have time in the future and am still seeking that elder guidance, I could volunteer my time at some senior living centers or something. Oh man, I rambled again lol. If I had some close buds, I wouldn't mind going out more as well. I remember there were times when I wish my buds didn't have to go home and we could just keep playing basketball or doing w/e instead of heading home. I think the mentality you have is pretty solid for a soldier. Since I'm an older student, I've also met my fair share of vets and the like and they are some of the best guys to be pals with. I especially like how they have their shit together and know what they want in life and are actively pursuing it. Dude, with all those injuries and the like, I don't know if I should ask, but do you have PTSD as well? We can def. chat on Discord. I might reply slow b/c I like to think before I reply, but sometimes I can shoot quick msgs if I'm in the mood to joke around. As for a job, I'll probably try to find an entry level Junior Software Developer/Engineer job. I found more jobs in the Twin Cities for that, so I might be heading there instead of staying in Milwaukee right now. Plus quite a bit of my siblings already live there. I really would be happy to just get a job anywhere, b/c I don't really have a precise dream job I want. I'm still kind of in the phase of exploring. I do know that I want to give back to humanity or the earth and do something to preserve the earth or advance humanity. I just like to have a positive purpose in life.

Ah yea, I get you bro. I think I can really only go on long trips w/ one of my cousins and my brothers. They're the only guys who I can totally relax around and have my guard down b/c I know they'll accept me for who I am, and it doesn't really matter what I do. I personally don't talk to people much in real life, so having a lengthy conversation would make my throat get dry. Has anyone ever come up against you on the streets and revved or honked for a race? Oh, your gran is still alive? That's awesome bro, you should spend as much time w/ her as you can. I wish I could've before my own passed. Yea, I think the whole hikkikomori thing is spreading to other countries now also. I think it's mainly b/c of how society is changing and how we are more enabled to stay inside and never go outside. Lmao! Imagining you as a big brother is definitely a sight bro. I mean, maybe you'd be good at it, but from my conversations w/ you, you seem a bit out of character as one lol. Ah, I didn't realize you were an active soldier o.o. I kind of wonder what a military career is like o.O? I don't really use my discord much, but I have my id on my info page if you want to add me bro. I go by DonQuixote on there. I'm a bit more active b/c I'm on break from school. I just finished finals and have a week of break next week, so I'll maybe be around more. Gotta start looking for a job after graduation and the like still though.

Dang bro, that's a lot of loss. I'm glad you're feeling better, I can feel the new vibes. It's getting near the weekend, so it would be pretty awesome to just head out on a drive. Have you ever just gone on a long ass drive, for the heck of it? I've always wanted to do that and even moreso go on a road trip. Of course, I think it'd be more fun w/ people along though. Dude that's so awesome, your grandma was Japanese o.o. Too bad about the relationship thing. Eh, at least you got some stuff down. I think it's much easier if you actually live in a place where they'er always speaking that language. B/c you hear it so much and you need to use it so much, that's why I think you pick it up easier in that kind of environment. Your talk of girls .. who seem like hikkikormoi's remind me of people in Japan who volunteer their time to act as sisters or brothers to help them get out of the house and back into society. If you ever live in Japan, I think that's something you could do. Maybe you could meet someone. I think in the youtube video I watched about that, one of the volunteer "sisters" met her husband through that. Oh, also maybe if you lived closer, I could introduce you to some of my sisters... then again they are more unruly than shy and cutesy ~_~ lol

That sucks m8, about the mental illness. I can't imagine living w/ something like that. It at least seems to not hold you back from doing too many things though, which I think is pretty awesome. I think it's actually the reverse for you, you seem to do lots of things o.o. Lol, that's pretty funny w/ the whole cute thing. I'm curious if you've ever tried to learn another language like Japanese or Chinese to get to know more Asians? I've tried learning before and now I know just bits and pieces. I think using music to learn can be helpful after you've got down some of the basics. I've often kind of wished I could learn sign language, b/c it's kind of a universal language, b/c I don't think there's any other way to learn sign language than the way it is o.O... Also, yea, I don't even know how you would be able to find the type of girls you'd like unless you were brave enough to go up to those kinds of chicks in the public. With the rise of technology though, we don't really get to see that anymore... it seems most relationships are going online or through ppl you know.